A good friend asked me this question the other day. It might be the most important question that we can ask ourselves.
With the Antioch Movement we are starting something called Huddles. These are high invitation and high challenge discipleship groups of 3-5 individuals or couples. We are looking to delve into kairos moments (kairos moments are those moments where we experience God breaking in..) in our lives to discover what the Father is inviting us into. How is he challenging us? In what ways is he calling us to step out in faith?
So really the question is, “where’s my heart?” We keep asking and asking because as we wrestle with this question we find that we have kairos moments all over the place and miss them, usually. It is amazing what happens when you begin to try and see them. They are everywhere!
*Where’s my heart?* I am looking at my heart these days through a triangle matrix of up, in, and out. First, “out”. This is my heart towards people who are not followers of Jesus. At no time in my life have I ever been so comfortable and happy to be around people who don’t know Jesus. A number of years ago if I were to look at my life and see the world within which I now live, I don’t think I would have believed it. Most of my time is spent with people who are far from God and it fills me up. The conversations we have are deep and meaningful. As a result I can’t wait to hit the ground running every single day.
Second, “in”. The community of the Antioch Movement – Ypsilanti is amazing. The people who call AM home are beautiful people who love well. We are able to do life deeply together. We fight and argue. We forgive and receive forgiveness. My heart towards believers has experienced a revival or renewal these last number of months as I see this authentic community growing up around me. There is honesty and humility. But most of all there is love. It is overwhelmingly beautiful.
Finally, “up”. It’s a struggle these days. I am going through a bit of a dry period and it’s really hard. Ever since we moved to Ypsilanti, about 12 months ago, I have been struggling to really find an ever deepening level of intimacy with Jesus. I connect with God through the study of the Scriptures and I have found over the years that I needs large chunks of time. When I was serving at Grace Chapel, I had a wonderful study where I could close the door and get lost in the Scriptures. For the last year that has alluded me. My heart aches to write this and I long for time and a space. It’s been a strange experience because I am blown away by God’s great faithfulness and care in all things. He keeps showing me how awesome he is through our community. Yet, there is a lack of intimacy. It’s that feeling of longing you have when you haven’t seen a close friend for a period of time. My “up” needs some work.
So, I’m living in a kairos right now where I am longing for more of God. It’s a good place to be but my heart is heavy as a result. I can’t wait for one of those days where I get lost in the Scriptures for 3 or 4 hours. It will be amazing.